life sucks

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Heart Broken

June 28, 2011 in June 2011 | 8 comments


I lost my sweet, handsome Tigger today.  He was with me for over 12 years.  From that first time I picked him up at the shelter, when he curled up on my shoulder and kissed my ear, I was his and he was mine.  That was that.  We went through a hell of a lot together in all those years.  Tigger was my Big Kitty – he loved his food so much that he purred when he ate.  He was huge and sweet and full of purrs and loved nothing more than curling up with me for a good ear scratching and a nap.

The last week was not a good one for him.  He got very sick, very fast.  I’m reassured knowing that he’s not suffering anymore.  It was time.

My heart aches for him.  I loved him so much and I’m going to miss him like crazy.

Rest in Peace Tigger.  Love you, Big Kitty.

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Still f***ing married.

September 17, 2009 in September 2009 | 6 comments

Needless to say I’m not happy about it.  I had a court date today, a pre-trial conference.  My divorce that should have been simple and resolved in a fucking conversation over coffee between 2 reasonable and responsible adults has risen to the level of pre-trial crap.  I hoped that we would come to an agreement by the time we got there or that it would be resolved in the pre-trial thing.  Instead I got bullshit – a load of idiot suggestions, the “most appealing” of which is for me to keep the house on my own.  That would be the house that’s on the market because I can’t afford to keep it on my own.  We determined that months ago.

I suppose there’s one positive thing that did come of today, though he who shall not be named may disagree.  I just dropped the price of the house by $15k.  I’ve resisted for a while, in spite of the realtor’s urgings.  Part of it was the desire to hold on a bit, to stay where I’m comfortable.  Even that feeling is gone, its been changing slowly.  I want this part of my life to over – living in a house that I shared with someone I can no longer stand the thought of is not healthy and is not allowing the closure I need and want.  So the price is going down, in hopes that I can unload it before our next court appearance in December.  Enough bullshit already.  Time to move along.

I won’t go into the rest of the idiot suggestions or why my soon to be ex is pulling this shit or any of the things I wish I could say about him, about what I put up with, about what I’ve realized about him and my relationship with him since he’s been out of my life.  After all, I married it.  Just wish I could explain why I was such a fool.

And once I allow myself a bit more wallowing, I’ll stop questioning that too.  I don’t do regrets.  I’m not about to start now.  Its just one of those moments where its really hard to focus on the positives.  I need to allow myself time to get through this too, then get back to the happier place that my life has been moving toward since that day in February when I decided I wanted a divorce.

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Heart Sick

May 2, 2009 in 1 | 9 comments

Maggie

We lost our Maggie this morning.  Though she was only 10, she’s had some health issues for a few years.  After she developed some more serious things over the last few days, the vet was fairly certain that she had a brain tumor, probably for a few years that was now effecting her more.  As horrible as it was, Everett and I both knew it was time to let her go.  And we were able to come together, put things aside and let her go peacefully.

I’ll miss my girl – the one who woke me up by chasing her tail around the bed, meowed loudly when I talked on the phone, kicked my ass off her leather chair and would “do dah huggins” and kiss my nose when I needed it most.

Rest in peace, Princess Maggie.

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News

March 24, 2009 in March 2009 | 14 comments

I think its finally time to share what’s had me in such a tailspin recently.  I’ve indicated that I’m under a lot of stress and have a lot going on.  Everett and I are divorcing.  I can’t quite put words to what a difficult time this is for me.

I’ve debated about when and how to share this with people.  What I know is that I will see a lot of people I know in the next few weeks.  Ev was always with me at Guild meetings and honestly, I’m hoping just to make this all a little easier for myself by sharing it here in a way that I can control (especially since I haven’t quite mastered the art of not falling apart in public yet).

I’m hanging in the best I can and I have a ton of support around me.  Know that The Painted Sheep is not going anywhere (especially since I just got that amazing news last week).   I’m not going anywhere.  Fiber, when I’m able to focus on it, is one of the best ways I can take care of myself.  Besides, my “baby” is coming up on its 2nd Anniversary in a couple of weeks – I’m not passing up an opportunity to celebrate that.

For a lot of reasons, I’m not going to say anything more about this here – now or at any point.  Thanks for understanding that and bearing with me while I go through this painful time.

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